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Do you think anyone's every bitten their tongue, and then decided to eat the rest? --Drake Sather

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When I was a kid we were so poor that when my dad was in a car accident, we couldn't afford a steel plate for his head, so we had to use a paper plate.  --Shang

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Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.  -- Barbara Boxer, Senator

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I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, "What was that?!"   --Jack Handey

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Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.   --Jack Handey

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Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies?  One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars.  Oh, I see now.   --Jack Handey

7

Just as bees will swarm about to protect their nest, so will I "swarm about" to protect my nest of chocolate eggs.   --Jack Handey

8

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, "Are you comfortable?" The man answers, "I make a nice living."   --Milton Berle

9

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!".  --Milton Berle

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