1

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.  --Robin Williams

2

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.  --Dean Martin

3

I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example.  --Mick Miller

4

I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.  --Bill Hicks

5

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day.  --Dean Martin

6

The difference between a drunk and a alcoholic is that a drunk doesn't have to attend all those meetings.  --Arthur Lewis

7

A tavern is a place where madness is sold by the bottle.  --Jonathan Swift

8

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.  --Hunter S Thompson

9

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.  --Fred Allen

10

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.  --David Daye

11

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.  --Henny Youngman

12

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.  --Dave Barry

13

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.  --W. C. Fields

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