1

Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? Use the dollar as a bookmark.  --Fred Stoller

2

My grandparents gave me Scratch and Cough books when I was growing up, and Scene of the Accident coloring books.  --Richard Lewis

3

Few people realize that Shakespeare once studied law. The original working title of King Lear was actually Estate Planning: A Trouble-Shooting Guide for the Wealthy Land Owner.  --Brenda Pontiff

4

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.  --Steven Wright

5

I don't see why people read the book when  you can see the movie in two hours.  Plus you get all the graphics.  --Steve Slotsve

6

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.  --Robert Wilensky

7

This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force. --Dorothy Parker

8

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.  --Groucho Marx

9

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.  --Bill Hirst

10

I have read your book and much like it.  --Moses Hadas

11

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.   --Flannery O'Connor

12

I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale.  They look and look, but you know what?  They never find him. And you know why they never find him?  It doesn't say.  The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide.  Then, at the very end, there's a page you can lick and it tastes like Kool-Aid.  --Jack Handey

13

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.  --Flannery O'Connor

14

People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like. ‑‑Book review by Abe Lincoln before he was president

15

If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a certain lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that tells the reader we are going to have fun with this thing.  --Jack Handey

16

The covers of this book are too far apart.  --Ambrose Bierce

17

Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.  --Jack Handey

18

I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four year old level.   --Dana Carvey

19

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.  Dorothy Parker

20

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.  --W. Somerset Maugham