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If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you.  --Paul Newman

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Chess is the most elaborate waste of human intelligence outside of an advertising agency.  --Raymond Chandler

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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.  --Woody Allen

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The mistakes are all waiting to be made.  --chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower on the game's opening position

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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.  --Emo Phillips

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I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.  -- Eric Sykes

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It's not whether you win or lose; it's how you place the blame.

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I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling. --Florence Henderson

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