1

When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed it. Probably, they gathered together one evening, slapped each other on the back and said, "Hey, good job." --Jack Handey

2

I bet when they weren't fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye pokings to fellow Vikings and lady Vikings.  --Jack Handey

3

I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.  --Jack Handey

4

If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive you up a wall.   --Jack Handey

5

Many people think that history is a dull subject.  Dull?  Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull?  --Jack Handey

6

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."   --Jack Handey

7

I bet when the Neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.   --Jack Handey

8

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.   --Jack Handey

9

If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted.  --Jack Handey

10

During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."  --Jack Handey

11

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident it makes you wonder about history.  --Bits & Pieces

12

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.  --Jack Handey

13

If you're an archaeologist, I bet it's real embarrassing to put together a skull from a bunch of ancient bone fragments, but then it turns out it's not a skull but just an old dried-out potato.  --Jack Handey

14

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.  --Winston Churchill

15

If you were an ancient barbarian, I bet a real embarrassing thing would be if you were sacking Rome and your cape got caught on something and you couldn't get it unhooked, and you had to ask another barbarian to unhook it for you.  --Jack Handey

16

We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.  --George Bernard Shaw

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