1

My husband won't try anything on --not even shoes. He'll just hold the box up to the light and say, "Yeah, these fit."  --Rita Rudner

2

My boyfriend, like a lot of men, takes great pride in his car. Honey, his car is detailed, waxed, and vacuumed weekly. My car, on the other hand, looks like a really big purse.  --Diane Nichols

3

You women ever look at men's bodies like they are meat? "Look at that hunk. USDA choice prime cut. Hmmmmm." My body is the part they make hot dogs out of.  –Drew Carey

4

Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches. I wish I could. It's like having a little pet for your face.  –Anita Wise

5

Men and women both care about smell, but women go to the trouble to smell good. Men are like, "Does this stink too bad to wear one more time? Maybe I should iron it."   --Jeff Foxworthy

6

Men differ from women. You never see young men sitting around talking about their dream weddings.  --Charles Cosart

7

If men liked shopping, they'd call it research.   --Cynthia Helms

8

When confronted with two evils, a man will usually consider the prettier. 

9

I don't consider myself bald. I'm simply taller than my hair. --Tom Sharp

10

Talking with a man is like trying to saddle a cow. You work like heck, but what's the point?  --Gladys Upham

11

Never appeal to a man's better nature. He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.  --Robert Heinlein

12

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.  --Joseph Heller

13

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?  ---Linda Ellerbee

14

Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.   --Jim Murray

15

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach him to fish, and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

16

Never spit in a man's face unless his moustache is on fire.  --Henry Root

17

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.  --Elaine Boosler

18

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.  --Marion Pearson

19

Now is the time for all good men to come to.  --Walt Kelly

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