1

Doesn't Prince Charles look like somebody kissed a frog, and it didn't change all the way? --Wendy Liebman

2

Remember when Sinead O'Connor tore up that picture of the Pope on Saturday Night Live? Think about it:  A little bald guy in a dress is attacked on national television by another little bald guy in a dress.  –Margaret Cho

3

To all those people who said my show wouldn't last, I have one thing to say, "Good call!"  --Jon Stewart

4

There's  a cross and skullbones.  --Jangela Bland

5

Hmm That's very interesting Can I change the subject yet?  --Lori Marsh

6

I'll be in touch, as I do love to touch things.  --Tom Gerding

7

Surely you gestate!  --Brian LaBounty

8

"There are no coincidences in Stelmack's world."  That's something a waitress said to me that I've never remembered.   --Eric Stelmack

9

Al: The night is young. 
Scott: Yes. We are in the infancy stage of nightness.  --J. Scott Reimer

10

I'm five foot seventeen.  --Derek Roberts 

11

I'm anal-expulsive.  --Pat Marsh

12

Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.  --Omni

13

I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.  --Michael McShane

14

Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. -- G. K. Chesterton

15

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

16

"Push to test." <click> "Release to detonate."  --Bruce Graham

17

That's just the tip of the ice cube.  --Neil Hamilton, BBC2

18

If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.

19

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. --Les Dawson

20

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.  --Jack Handey