1

I learned how to say 'I love you' in Ukranian, but there are so few Ukranians I know that I love.  --Bill Bade, USA

2

Why are you torturing your map?   --Linda Cole, on our map of the US covered with push pins

3

England and America are two countries divided by a common language.   --George Bernard Shaw

4

The Middle Eastern states aren't nations, they're quarrels with borders.  --PJ O'Rouke

5

In an underdeveloped country don't drink the water. In a developed country don't breathe the air.  --Jonathan Raban

6

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.  --Dan Quayle

7

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.  --Yakov Smirnoff

8

Of course America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.  --Oscar Wilde

9

Traditionally most of Australia's imports come from overseas.  --Keppel Enderbery

10

Wales is the land of my fathers. And my fathers can have it.  --Dylan Thomas

11

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.  --Yakov Smirnoff

12

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.  --George Bernard Shaw

13

Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country.  --Ian Rush

14

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?  --Steven Wright

15

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.  --Dan Quayle

16

I went to New Zealand but it was closed.

17

An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide, but not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax.  --David Letterman

18

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.  --P. J. O'Rourke

19

Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union.  --P.J. O'Rourke

20

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.  --Charles Schultz