1

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. -- John Kenneth Galbraith

2

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.   --Frank Zappa

3

The Teamsters Union is broke. Things are so bad, they may have to lay off 100 congressmen.  --Jay Leno

4

Something happens when a man reaches a certain age, that the News becomes the most important thing in his life. All fathers think one day they're going to get a call from the State Department. "Listen, we've completely lost track of the situation in the Middle East. You've been watching the news. What do you think we should do about it?"  --Jerry Seinfeld

5

I'm worried there's gonna be some Nazi like Hitler going around killing everyone who can't roll their tongue, and I'm gonna be hatin' life.  --Jason Harens

6

We have a presidential election coming up. And I think the big problem, of course, is someone will win.  --Barry Crimmins

7

Cloning is expensive and scary. This could mean that Ross Perot could run in every presidential election for the next 2,000 years.  --Argus Hamilton

8

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.  --Dan Quayle

9

A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators. -- Dave Barry

10

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either.

11

I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them. --George Bush, former U.S. President

12

The world is more like it is now then it ever has before.  --Dwight Eisenhower

13

We'd like to avoid problems, because when we have problems, we can have troubles.  --Wesley Bolin, Governor

14

Solutions are not the answer. --Richard Nixon, former U.S. President

15

I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity.  --Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

16

You read what Disraeli had to say. I don't remember what he said. He said something. He's no longer with us. --Bob Dole

17

Vote early and vote often.   --Al Capone

18

A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President."

19

Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress ...But I repeat myself.   ‑‑Mark Twain

20

We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex, but Congress can. --Cullen Hightower