Funny Quotes   Relationships  -02

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Starbucks is everywhere. I’m waiting for home delivery. Instead of hearing, “Here’s your pizza, enjoy the game,” it will be, “Here’s your latte, enjoy your meaningless conversation with friends.” --Daryl Hogue

 

2

I'll be in touch, as I do love to touch things.  --Tom Gerding

 

3

I almost fell in love with a psychic, but she left me before we met.

 

4

We were incompatible in a lot of ways. Like for example, I was a night person, and he didn't like me.  --Wendy Liebman

 

5

I've upped my standards. Now up yours.  --Pat Paulsen

 

6

When somebody says to you, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you" what they really mean is "It's on the list. I've just got some other things to do first."  --Mark Schiff

 

7

When you get back together with an old boyfriend, it's pathetic. It's like having a garage sale and buying your own stuff back.  --Laura Kightlinger

 

8

I wasn't the easiest guy to live with. I had multiple personalities, but what bothered her was that none of them made any money.  --Danny Liebert

 

9

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.  --George Burns

 

10

After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them, so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.  --Rita Rudner

 

11

I was going with someone for a few years, but we broke up. It was one of those things. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want him to.  --Rita Rudner

 

12

I was talking to this cute young woman who said she had a thing for older men. I got all excited and asked, "What's that?" She said, "Pepper Spray."  --Chuck Johnson

 

13

When my fiancé proposed it was very romantic. He turned off the TV. Well, he muted it. During the commercial. –Wendy Liebman

 

14

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

 

15

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.  --Groucho Marx

 

16

When you get back together with an old boyfriend, it’s pathetic. It’s like having a garage sale and buying your own stuff back. –Laura Kightlinger

 

17

I always chose the wrong men, so now I have an imaginary boyfriend. The problem is I can’t count on him. If I need someone to lean on and choose him, I fall over. –Penelope Lombard

 

18

The older you get the lower your standards get. I used to be so picky. Oh, when I get married he's doing to be tall, handsome, rich...and now I'm down to: registered voter. I'd marry a midget just for the handicapped parking.  --Kathleen Madigan

 

19

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future.

 

20

A social networking revolution has started in Saudi Arabia. Over 10 million Saudis are now online. In fact, the most popular social networking site for women in Saudi Arabia: 'Cover-Your-Facebook.'" –Jay Leno

 

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