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I think Superman and Santa Claus are actually the same guy, and I'll tell you why: Both fly, both wear red, and both have a beard.   --Jack Handey

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At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays.  But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.  --Jack Handey

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I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away.  --Jack Handey

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