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I think that a hat that has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away.  --Jack Handey

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I'm just guessing, but probably one of the early signs that your radarscope is wearing out is something I call "image fuzz-out." But I've never even seen a radarscope, so I wouldn't totally go by what I've just said here.  --Jack Handey

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As long as we're going to reinvent the wheel again, we might as well try making it round this time.  --Mike Dennison

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Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.   --Jack Handey

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I think man invented the car by instinct.  --Jack Handey

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Of all the tall tales, I think my favorite is the one about Eli Whitney and the interchangeable parts.  --Jack Handey

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When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly.  --Donald Douglas

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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.  --Henry Ford

9

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.  --George Carlin

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