1
We took a cruise. It depends on the boat. You have to get on a good boat. They have the Fantasy, the Ecstasy ... we were on the Hysterectomy. --Rita Rudner
2
If three-fourths of the earth's surface is covered with water, how come it's so hard to get to the beach? --Teresa Skelton
3
One year Dad decided he was going to take us on a "surprise vacation." We wouldn't know where we were going until we got there. We were all real excited when we piled into the station wagon early one morning. We went about five blocks, then we got in an accident at a four-way stop. I guess it was a pretty good surprise, but why did we need all that camping gear? --Jack Handey
4
The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car-- I forget what kind it was--and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you. --Jack Handey
5
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. --Dave Barry
6
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on? --George Carlin
7
If you look like your passport photo, you're too sick to travel. --Will Kommen
8
That hotel was a dump. They had a postcard and on the picture, the room wasn’t made up. –Rodney Dangerfield
9
With me a change of trouble is as good as a vacation. –Lloyd George
10
At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said, “Certainly.” He said, “Do I need to dial 9?” I say “Yeah. Especially if it’s in the number.You can try 4 and 5 back to back real quick.” --Mitch Hedberg
11
If you look like your passport photo, you're too sick to travel. --Will Kommen
12
What Dad means by "see" of course, is "drive past at 67 miles per hour." Dad feels it is a foolish waste of valuable vacation time to get out of the car and actually go look at an attraction. --Dave Barry
13
After the flight attendants tell about all the safety features, I always play a trick on them. I bring little catsup packets and pour one just below each ear. Then I call the flight attendant over, point to my ears and ask, "Is this supposed to happen?" --Brad Stine
14
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a delay of three hours.
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40