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I'm so timid I was beaten up by Quakers. --Woody Allen
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If you want to be safe on the streets at night, carry a projector and slides of your last vacation. --Helen Mundis
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Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the United States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the 9 millimeter bullet. --Dave Barry
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There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? --Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate
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Supermodel Naomi Campbell was slapped with an eight-million-dollar damage suit for allegedly bashing her secretary’s skull with a telephone. Sources say Campbell could have saved nearly two million dollars on the incident if she had MCI. –Colin Quinn
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I have strong feelings about gun control. If there's a gun around, I want to be controlling it. --Clint Eastwood
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These CEOs are scary. I walk past a gang banger, I don't even flinch. But I see a white dude with a Wall Street Journal, I run. Cutting through the projects, you might lose what have on you that day, but I ain't never been mugged of my future. No thug ever said, "Give me your 401K. I want your college fund, your IRA. I want it all." --Wanda Sykes
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If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. --George Carlin
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