1

You may not be interested in war, but war is very interested in you.    --Leon Trotsky

2

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at some guys, throw one of those little baby-type pumpkins.  Maybe it'll make everyone think of how crazy war is, and while they're thinking, you can throw a real grenade.  --Jack Handey

3

In WWII the Japanese were evil through and through; whereas the Germans were just evil on the inside.  --Jeff Roemhildt

4

To us, it might look like just a rag.  But to the brave, embattled men of the fort, it was more than that.  It was a flag of surrender. And after that, it was torn up and used for shoeshine rags, so the men would look nice for the surrender.   --Jack Handey

5

We are not retreating --we are advancing in another direction.
--General Douglas MacArthur

6

People question why Switzerland always remains neutral in wars. I think it's because the Swiss realize those Army Knives would be pretty useless against heavy artillery.  ‑‑Paul Paternoster

7

Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough.  Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.  --Jack Handey

8

I think we should invade France:  Operation Restore Politeness.  --Darin Kinsey

9

Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.   --Jack Handey

10

Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.  --Paul Rodriguez

11

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.  --Jack Handey

12

If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing I'd glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised. "Wait a minute! I thought we won!"  --Jack Handey

13

If you lived in the Dark Ages, and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, "Can't you make it shoot farther?" No. I'm sorry.  That's as far as it shoots.  --Jack Handey

14

15

16

17

18

19

20