My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today."
In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, "Cut it out."
After I moved into my new apartment, the neighbors asked me "So, do you live around here often?"
I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious!
Once when I was gone, somebody robbed my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates of all my furniture. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"
Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it...it feels real."
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.
Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity...If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above...so I never have to go upstairs.
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.