Q

How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

A

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.

Q

How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

Nine. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest the nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that powers it.

Q

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.

Q

How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q

How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

None. That's a hardware problem.

Q

How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

A

None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature.

Q

How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A

Three: two holding the ladder and one to screw the bulb into a faucet.

Q

How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?

A

None: `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.

Q

How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

None. ("Thats all right...I'll just sit here in the dark...")

Q

How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

Q

How many survivors of a nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Q

How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

A

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

Q

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

A

Three, but they're really only one.

Q

How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.

Q

How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?

A

One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

Q

How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

A

None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

Q

How many Valley Girls does it take to change a light bulb?

A

Oooh, like, manual labor? Gag me with a spoon! For sure.

Q

How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

A tree in a golden forest.

A

Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it.

A

One to change and one not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is Four. One to change the bulb.

A

None. Zen masters carry their own light.

Q

How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

Q

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A

Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Q

How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

Only one, but it sure takes a lot of light bulbs!

Q

How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

Q

How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?

A

Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.

Q

How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

A

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

Q

How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

None. There never *was* any light bulb.

Q

How many sorority sisters does it take to change a light bulb?

A

51. One to change the bulb, and fifty to sing about the bulb being changed.

Q

How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

Five: One to hold the bulb, and four to guzzle beer until the room spins.

Q

How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

Q

"How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

A

"151, one to screw the light-bulb in, and 150 to self-destruct the ship out of disgrace."

Q

Do you know how many jazz musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

A

No, big daddy, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.

Q

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A

Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q

How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?

A

Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle... ... and one to change the bulb.

Q

How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

A

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).

Q

How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

A

one.