JOKES -25
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True Story --Leaving Evidence
I'm a
state trooper in Alaska, and I've been called to investigate many cases
of moose poaching. Some we solved because of the carelessness of the
criminals who have left behind incriminating evidence such as a boot
print or, in one memorable case, a wallet complete with the poacher's
driver's license. |
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| 242 |
True Story --Regular Feeding
When my
daughter and I caught only one perch on our fishing trip—not enough for
even a modest lunch—we decided to feed it to her two cats. She put our
catch in their dish and watched as the two pampered pets sniffed at the
fish but refused to eat it. |
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| 243 |
True Story --Car Troubles
My son is
an avid listener to our city’s police frequency, and he leaves the
scanner on all the time. One morning while making his bed, I heard the
dispatcher say, "Car 34, there is a five-foot boa constrictor in a front
yard. The resident wants a policeman to come and remove it." |
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True Story --Switching Views
While walking through a Dallas airport, my
dentist ran into a group of folks from his hometown. Among them was one
of his patients. When he said hello, she gave him a curious look, saying
he looked familiar but she could not quite place him. |
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True Story --New Behind
Last New
Year's Eve found me in the hospital scheduled for an operation to remove
hemorrhoids. So while others donned party hats and sipped champagne, I
wore a hospital gown and swigged painkillers. That's not to say the
holiday spirit was completely absent. |
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True Story --Eating Issues A member of a diet club bemoaned her lack of will-power. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she explained, and they'd eaten half of it. The next day, however, the uneaten half beckoned. She cut herself a slice. Then another, and another. By the time she'd polished off the cake, she knew her husband would be disappointed. "What did he say when he found out?" one club member asked. "He never found out," she said. "I made another cake and ate half." |
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True Story --Coffee Corner When I walked into a small café in rural Minnesota, I had no trouble distinguishing the nonsmoking area from the smoking area. There before me were two neatly printed signs: "Coffee Corner" and "Coughy Corner." |
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True Story --Already Pregnant To confirm her suspicions, my sister needed to purchase a pregnancy test. Since I was going to the pharmacy, she asked me to pick one up. I didn't stop to think how I appeared to the clerk when I waddled up—nine months pregnant—to pay for the kit. "Honey," she said, "I can save you $15 right now. You're definitely going to have a baby." |
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True Story --Caught in a Lie When a woman called 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my husband, Glenn, and his partner—both EMTs—rushed to her home. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. Then he began to gather her information. "What's your age?" he asked. "Fifty-eight," answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her finger. "What does that do?" "It's a lie detector," said Glenn with a straight face. "Now, what did you say your age was?" "Sixty-seven," answered the woman sheepishly. |
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True Story --Life Preserver While at a marine-supply store stocking up on equipment for my boat, I also purchased an inflatable life preserver. "It was my wife's idea," I explained to the grizzled salesman at the counter. "She's buying it for me as a gift." "Lucky you," he said as he started to write up the order. "My wife got me a length of chain and a cement block." |
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