Army rules prohibit me from bringing my pet monkey

Water that tastes "canteeny"

People who panned "Kangaroo Jack" before they even saw it

Rarely get asked to invade fun places, like Tampa

Television in the rec room only gets CBS

I miss the day-to-day challenges of my civilian job -- just kidding

When it's my turn to parallel park the tank

Sergeants who yell when a polite suggestion would suffice

Skipping Salisbury Steak night in the mess hall to do a lame comedy bit for Letterman

Looking at camouflage all day makes you dizzy