On our currency, "In God We Trust" will be replaced with "You Go, Girl!"

NASA's Mars mission cancelled, replaced by mission to Venus

Wars would be over as soon as someone breaks a nail

New cabinet position: Secretary of Electrolysis

Library of Congress changed to Oprah's Book Club

Terror Threat Level colors are plum, mauve, fuscia, periwinkle and pink

Inaugural speech urging the nation to "moisturize"

She wouldn't interrupt prime time TV for a stupid press conference, especially when "Grey's Anatomy" is on

Pointless invasion of Bloomingdale's

Mandatory prison sentence for leaving the toilet seat up